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The 12 Steps to Forgiveness by Paul Ferrini
Monday, June 12, 2006 (02:54:40)
Posted by Cougar
The 12 Steps to Forgiveness by Paul Ferrini -
Step One:
"It's easy to forgive others when you have already forgiven yourself. But
it's impossible to forgive others if you have not forgiven yourself."
"Forgiveness comes from within... Forgiveness is not conditional, nor is it
partial. Forgiveness is a wholehearted, wholebeing act. It brings release
from burdens, release from pain."
"As long as there is some aspect of our attack we trying to justify,
forgiveness just doesn't happen."
"Forgiveness takes me out of the past and into the present... When I
forgive, I accept what happened in the past, including all the past
judgments I made about myself or others, without bringing this material into
the present or future. Or if I bring it forward, I accept that I bring it
forward, and release it."
"I don't have to be perfect to forgive, because forgiveness is an ongoing
process in my life. I forgive, and judgment comes back, and I forgive again.
There is never a time when I stop forgiving myself or others. "
"Why do we need forgiveness? Because everyone of us have condemned
ourselves. And everyone of us has tried to work out of our self-hatred by
projecting the responsibility for our problems onto others."
"Deep down inside every single one of us is a wounded child who needs to be
healed. ..The process of forgiveness offers this child the opportunity to
heal. It is a life-long process that continues as long as we continue to
judge ourselves or others."
"No thought or action, regardless of how ill-conceived it is, condemns us to
eternal suffering. For right now, in this moment, we can make a new choice."
"Step Two: Understand That It's Love That You Want"
"Other people are not here to make us happy. They are here to help us
learn."
"We are here to love and learn. We are not here to force learning or loving,
but to let each lead naturally to the other."
"Sometimes I want you in my life to please me and you are in my life help
wake me up."
"You are here to show me my needs so I can learn to meet them myself. This
is your purpose and when you fulfill it, you set us both free."
"I know that we are all free to choose. I just need to know that, whatever
choice you make, you still love me."
"That is what my child needs. And even though I keep getting older, that
child does not go away. If anything, he just gets bigger and bolder in my
heart. He learns to ask for what he needs."
"Something happens when I know that I'm loved. But it can't happen until I
know that love is what I want and I have the courage to ask for it."
"I cannot continue on the journey of forgiveness unless right now I decide
that love is what I want."
"Yes, it's okay to feel my pain, but feeling my pain just tells me that love
is what I want. Feeling separate, angry, envious, guilty, sad just tells me
that love is what I want."
Step Three "WITHDRAW THE PROJECTION"
"In Step One, I learned to be with my feelings...Step two, I learned
that love is what I want."
"next... is to know that love is what I want but I cannot depend on you
to give it to me. Perhaps you will, perhaps you won't, but I can't do
anything about your choice."
"I must be willing to look for love within, not without."
"It means that I have to go back inside...and find the light that's
hidden there. I must search ... to find the tiny light of
self-affirmation that burns within."
"If I don't get what I want, then I'm not sure I'll buy this teaching."
"Our tendency is to look for confirmation outside ourselves. And when it
doesn't come, ...we either feel that we are failures or that we were
foolish to have faith in a higher power to begin with."
"We have to know truth inside our own hearts. We have to find love where
it begins, not where it ends."
"Sooner or later we find out there's no one else out there who has the
answer for us."
"Being free has nothing to do with leaving the body. Being free means
letting go of what isn't true.
"So, here I am. and the only way I get my life jump-started is by
accepting my life exactly as it is, by accepting myself and you exactly
as we are. The is the place where my heart opens. This is the place
where love begins."
"When I withdraw my projection from you, I understand that what I like
or dislike about you is completely irrelevant to what I am here to
learn."
"...I must come to understand that there is nothing that you can give me
that I do not already have."
"What I have, you also have. What I do not have, you do not have
either."
"It is a difficult fact...my only proper relationship with any human
being is one of brother or sister."
"Whenever we raise or lower someone else we make that basic gesture of
inequality that covers up the truth. Whenever we think that someone else
has the answer for us, or we believe that someone else is preventing us
from realizing our potential, we buy into the illusion."
"We are equals, but do not often perceive ourselves that way."
"I finally get Step Three when I recognize that it's all up to me. I am
the channel for love in the world. Only then is my call for love
answered. for as I open to love, I extend it, and as I extend it, it
returns to me."
Step Four
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
"One of the ways I begin to love myself is to begin to take responsibility
for my life exactly as it is. Whatever I see on the outside is just a
reflection of what is within."
"Sometimes I reject certain people and situations. Sometimes I hand onto
certain people and situations. Both rejections and attachment indicate lack
of acceptance."
"...right now my challenge is to be with what it."
"There is no "supposed to" in life. There is just what is happening."
"Our beliefs are just ways of seeing. They almost always require correction,
because we almost always see out of desire or fear."
"A most important spiritual practice is to just let things be as they are
without interpretation, without embellishment, without judgment. This
immediately gives the ego a coronary."
"It's okay to be in the ego, because we are all in the ego! Ninety percent
of the time, we're coming from desire or fear (... desire is just another
form of fear.)"
"Acknowledging where we are allows us to witness it. Witnessing is just
being present watching the mind dance around in the air. .watching becomes
a spiritual practice...of deep compassion for ourselves and others."
"...what we have is what we have. We're not supposed to get rid of any of
it. And we're not supposed to add to it either. We just need to be with it
until we come to understand it."
"... our goal is not to change the world or even ourselves. Our goal is to
change our perceptions about the world and about ourselves."
"...taking responsibility means accepting my life as it is. That means I
don't waste my energy trying to change the eternal form of my life. It means
that I don't look to others to provide the motivation for change. ..it
comes from being with what is here and now with patience and integrity."
"Nothing I see means what I think it does. Nothing I see means anything.
Fear begins with interpretation, with memory of the past. Yet each moment is
whole and free. In each moment, my choice is reborn."
Step Four
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
"One of the ways I begin to love myself is to begin to take responsibility
for my life exactly as it is. Whatever I see on the outside is just a
reflection of what is within."
"Sometimes I reject certain people and situations. Sometimes I hand onto
certain people and situations. Both rejections and attachment indicate lack
of acceptance."
"...right now my challenge is to be with what it."
"There is no "supposed to" in life. There is just what is happening."
"Our beliefs are just ways of seeing. They almost always require correction,
because we almost always see out of desire or fear."
"A most important spiritual practice is to just let things be as they are
without interpretation, without embellishment, without judgment. This
immediately gives the ego a coronary."
"It's okay to be in the ego, because we are all in the ego! Ninety percent
of the time, we're coming from desire or fear (... desire is just another
form of fear.)"
"Acknowledging where we are allows us to witness it. Witnessing is just
being present watching the mind dance around in the air. .watching becomes
a spiritual practice...of deep compassion for ourselves and others."
"...what we have is what we have. We're not supposed to get rid of any of
it. And we're not supposed to add to it either. We just need to be with it
until we come to understand it."
"... our goal is not to change the world or even ourselves. Our goal is to
change our perceptions about the world and about ourselves."
"...taking responsibility means accepting my life as it is. That means I
don't waste my energy trying to change the eternal form of my life. It means
that I don't look to others to provide the motivation for change. ..it
comes from being with what is here and now with patience and integrity."
"Nothing I see means what I think it does. Nothing I see means anything.
Fear begins with interpretation, with memory of the past. Yet each moment is
whole and free. In each moment, my choice is reborn."
Step Four
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
"One of the ways I begin to love myself is to begin to take responsibility
for my life exactly as it is. Whatever I see on the outside is just a
reflection of what is within."
"Sometimes I reject certain people and situations. Sometimes I hand onto
certain people and situations. Both rejections and attachment indicate lack
of acceptance."
"...right now my challenge is to be with what it."
"There is no "supposed to" in life. There is just what is happening."
"Our beliefs are just ways of seeing. They almost always require correction,
because we almost always see out of desire or fear."
"A most important spiritual practice is to just let things be as they are
without interpretation, without embellishment, without judgment. This
immediately gives the ego a coronary."
"It's okay to be in the ego, because we are all in the ego! Ninety percent
of the time, we're coming from desire or fear (... desire is just another
form of fear.)"
"Acknowledging where we are allows us to witness it. Witnessing is just
being present watching the mind dance around in the air. .watching becomes
a spiritual practice...of deep compassion for ourselves and others."
"...what we have is what we have. We're not supposed to get rid of any of
it. And we're not supposed to add to it either. We just need to be with it
until we come to understand it."
"... our goal is not to change the world or even ourselves. Our goal is to
change our perceptions about the world and about ourselves."
"...taking responsibility means accepting my life as it is. That means I
don't waste my energy trying to change the eternal form of my life. It means
that I don't look to others to provide the motivation for change. ..it
comes from being with what is here and now with patience and integrity."
"Nothing I see means what I think it does. Nothing I see means anything.
Fear begins with interpretation, with memory of the past. Yet each moment is
whole and free. In each moment, my choice is reborn."
Step Four
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
"One of the ways I begin to love myself is to begin to take responsibility
for my life exactly as it is. Whatever I see on the outside is just a
reflection of what is within."
"Sometimes I reject certain people and situations. Sometimes I hand onto
certain people and situations. Both rejections and attachment indicate lack
of acceptance."
"...right now my challenge is to be with what it."
"There is no "supposed to" in life. There is just what is happening."
"Our beliefs are just ways of seeing. They almost always require correction,
because we almost always see out of desire or fear."
"A most important spiritual practice is to just let things be as they are
without interpretation, without embellishment, without judgment. This
immediately gives the ego a coronary."
"It's okay to be in the ego, because we are all in the ego! Ninety percent
of the time, we're coming from desire or fear (... desire is just another
form of fear.)"
"Acknowledging where we are allows us to witness it. Witnessing is just
being present watching the mind dance around in the air. .watching becomes
a spiritual practice...of deep compassion for ourselves and others."
"...what we have is what we have. We're not supposed to get rid of any of
it. And we're not supposed to add to it either. We just need to be with it
until we come to understand it."
"... our goal is not to change the world or even ourselves. Our goal is to
change our perceptions about the world and about ourselves."
"...taking responsibility means accepting my life as it is. That means I
don't waste my energy trying to change the eternal form of my life. It means
that I don't look to others to provide the motivation for change. ..it
comes from being with what is here and now with patience and integrity."
"Nothing I see means what I think it does. Nothing I see means anything.
Fear begins with interpretation, with memory of the past. Yet each moment is
whole and free. In each moment, my choice is reborn."
Step Four
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
"One of the ways I begin to love myself is to begin to take responsibility
for my life exactly as it is. Whatever I see on the outside is just a
reflection of what is within."
"Sometimes I reject certain people and situations. Sometimes I hand onto
certain people and situations. Both rejections and attachment indicate lack
of acceptance."
"...right now my challenge is to be with what it."
"There is no "supposed to" in life. There is just what is happening."
"Our beliefs are just ways of seeing. They almost always require correction,
because we almost always see out of desire or fear."
"A most important spiritual practice is to just let things be as they are
without interpretation, without embellishment, without judgment. This
immediately gives the ego a coronary."
"It's okay to be in the ego, because we are all in the ego! Ninety percent
of the time, we're coming from desire or fear (... desire is just another
form of fear.)"
"Acknowledging where we are allows us to witness it. Witnessing is just
being present watching the mind dance around in the air. .watching becomes
a spiritual practice...of deep compassion for ourselves and others."
"...what we have is what we have. We're not supposed to get rid of any of
it. And we're not supposed to add to it either. We just need to be with it
until we come to understand it."
"... our goal is not to change the world or even ourselves. Our goal is to
change our perceptions about the world and about ourselves."
"...taking responsibility means accepting my life as it is. That means I
don't waste my energy trying to change the eternal form of my life. It means
that I don't look to others to provide the motivation for change. ..it
comes from being with what is here and now with patience and integrity."
"Nothing I see means what I think it does. Nothing I see means anything.
Fear begins with interpretation, with memory of the past. Yet each moment is
whole and free. In each moment, my choice is reborn."
Step Nine
Accept the Lesson
Every lesson that comes to me seeks to awaken me, not to punish me. As long as I think that God...is trying to punish me, I will be unable to accept my lesson and learn from it.
...each lesson seeks to lift me up.
I simply cannot understand my lesson at the ego level. The lesson always takes me beyond the ego.
Learning my lessons takes a great deal of compassion for myself. I need to realize that it isn't easy for me to change how I perceive reality. If it was, I wouldn't need a lesson to practice it.
So I need to be patient...to go at my own pace...Most of my lessons are not achievement-oriented...I need to change my perceptions of self, other, and the world.
I misunderstand my lessons if I think they ask me to be something I am not or give something I don't have to give. If fear comes up, they ask me to walk through it. If something is a burden to me, they ask me to lay it down.
Whatever the lesson, it is perfect for me. It asks me to make exactly the adjustment that I am able to make. It never asks for more that I can give.
The only way the pain dissolves is when I am no longer invested in giving it away.
The pain is not a punishment, but a communication....something is awry...make some kind of adjustment...to come to a new awareness.
Inch by inch the territory claimed by fear must open to love's embrace.
I realize that it is not what happens in my life that matters, but how I react to what happens.
I empower myself to deal creatively with the many challenging situations that life present me.
I am no longer a victim of unsavory forces outside of me, but a protagonist, positively influencing the outcome of events by maintaining an attitude of trust, hope and faith.
...the events in our lives are never fixed. And they never mean what we think they do.
The worst thing we can do with a lesson is to decide what it means right away. We need to be with the situation without judging or interpreting it. We need to feel it, get a sense of it, see how it moves as our thoughts and feelings change.
We need to sink down into the body and ground ourselves. We need to move out of our "thinking mind" into our "feeling mind."
The Feeling Mind ...reaches out to contain all the aspects, all the polarities, all the contradictions. It embraces the situation as a whole, without judging it. It just lets everything be fully present in consciousness.
Problems are not solved from narrow ego perceptions which are conflict ridden, but from the expanded vision of spirit, in which all contradictions can be contained.
Sitting with a problem...involves a change in consciousness, a movement from the "thinking mind" to the "feeling mind."...a mindscape in which the contents of consciousness are seen as polarized and opposed to each other to a mindscape in which they are seen as co-existing and contained.
The establishment of peace within the mind...involves a change in the intention and attention, a change in consciousness and perception.
When I am fighting my lesson, it is my enemy. When I am accepting it, it is my friend.
A teaching that does not allow for lessons to be learned experientially is not a spiritual teaching, but a form of indoctrination. Lessons are always learned by opening the heart and opening the mind.
...our lives are laboratories for learning. Our mental and emotional experience is a classroom.
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